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Trauma vs Drama

What is the difference between drama and trauma?

Why are we comparing them?

Honestly, the title sounded good, but the meaning still stands.

People come with baggage and that baggage is part of the person you are in a relationship. Even if you grew up in the perfect home with the perfect life, you still have some form of baggage. It just might look a little different than someone else's.

Baggage is normal and it's nothing to feel bad about. It's how you act because of it that matters.

Relationships are a bond between two people (friendship or romantic partnership, remember?). You both come into the relationship bringing your own values, your own past traumas, and your own view on what the relationship should look like. Coming together with all of those things and truly accepting the other person because of it, that's love.

If you love the person you're in a relationship with (hopefully you do) or you're still testing the waters because it's newer, always remember to be yourself and accept the other person for who they are as well. People come from all walks of life and we're all raised differently. It can be hard to deal with at times but, the more you are both willing to mold to make the relationship work, the more you'll grow together.

My boyfriend and I were raised very differently. His mom is perky, business savvy, straight to the point, no bullshit. My mom is mushy, a great friend, and positive but sometimes unrealistic. Neither is bad, just different.

Having left their impressions on both of us, we were taught to handle situations differently. When Derek and I first started dating, he loved me because I was always caring, positive, and generous. I would always put him first and always be there for him.

Later in our relationship, the "isms" came out. The good that I had started with also came with some not so good. While positive and generous is great, I didn't have a realistic outlook on life because I was raised with unconditional love rather than rules and alignment. It came with not taking responsibility for things and not being able to handle decision making or finances in any way, while he was taught the "real real" of life at a young age. He seemed more calloused to me and I seemed more childish to him. Again, neither bad nor wrong, just different. It's learning to grow with the other person "isms" that makes both of you stronger.

Your past doesn't define you. You define who you are. No matter what you have gone through in your life, you can overcome triggers and traumas.

Now, let's discuss the difference between trauma and drama.

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.

It's something that has happened to you that you can't shake or forget and it comes out in other areas of your life later on.

For example, someone who was abused by their father growing up may later have trust issues with the male gender.

Trauma is a part of life. Big or small, long ago or recent. It happens. Bringing that into a relationship is inevitable. You can't just shut off that part of your brain. But you can handle it differently.

Trauma takes time to get over. Give yourself that time. If you need to stay single for a while to heal from that, do that. It's healthier to heal alone and come into a relationship with a better understanding of your trauma. If you're already in a relationship and you're dealing with past trauma, talk about it with your partner. Let them know what's going on and why you need to take some time to grieve or heal. They can't always help, but they can support you.

You may have trust issues because of past trauma. While that may be hard for a partner to accept, they have to understand it's not them you can't trust. It's your past anxieties that put up a barrier.

Now, learning how to break down your barriers, let go of past traumas, and move on from them... that's where you can truly heal. It can start with baby steps. Slowly accepting your triggers and addressing them. Realizing it's okay to have past traumas, but it's not okay to let them dictate your life.

Now for the drammmmaaaaa.

Drama (in the urban dictionary sense) is a way of relating to the world in which a person consistently overreacts to or greatly exaggerates the importance of benign events. Typically "drama" is used by people who are chronically bored or those who seek attention.

The stereotype that women are prone to drama is bs. Some men are just as emotional, if not more emotional when it comes to handling difficult situations. We may be more into gossip or rumors, but we're not more dramatic...(lol)

There's a difference between reacting in a way that you can't help because of something that's happened to you in the past and reacting because you can't control your emotions. Knowing the difference is VERY important. Coming to terms with why you react to things the way you do is step 1 to becoming self-aware. Being self-aware in life and in relationships will help you determine the correct response to situations.

Let's break it down

(example) My friend's boyfriend is texting another girl ~ She freaks out and starts yelling at him before even looking into the situation to see what the context really is.

Trauma or drama? Well, you can't really tell from the surface. Let's look deeper.

Has my friend been in past relationships where her partner has broken her trust? Were her parents loyal to each other? Has this current partner given her a reason to be suspicious? If she's just acting out to act out or get a reaction from him... you guessed it, dramaaaaa. Drama is unnecessary. It can be prevented. It brings unneeded stress into life and relationships.

When you're facing a hard decision or situation and you're determining how to react, ask yourself "why am I reacting this way?" Are you reacting based off of past trauma? Or are you reacting to dig or get a rise out of the other person?

The result of your reaction should be to solve an issue. If you're reacting out of pure emotion or rage, it's not going to solve anything. Analyzing a situation when you're emotional can be difficult, but it's important you remove yourself from the situation in order to make a clear decision on how to react.

Gaining control of your emotions and clarity on why they are is step one. Look at your trauma. Acknowledge it. It will always be a part of you. But, it does not define you. Drama is unnecessary, petty, and unhelpful. Do not feed that monster.

So, which are you most known to act on? Trauma or Drama?

xoxo, Crystal


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